The Divine Pursuit

Tonight I am missing You....
Oh, tonight I am missing You...

The gravely voice of Glen Kaiser speaks volumes as to where I am in life.

I know what Paul means when he speaks of wanting to go home.

That divine groaning that rises up in your spirit to be in the presence of the Lord.

To see the world, as it is, yet know what was truly lost in the garden years ago. It's enough to make a man angry at those two who traded everything for a piece of fruit.

Oh, it wasn't the fruit that turned everything upside down. It was the heart motivation that told the man and the woman that nothing would really happen if they disobeyed God.After all, it's just fruit.

It was the simple, unassuming thought that was birthed in a moment of doubt. Maybe I should watch my own thoughts more closely. Maybe I should watch my own heart with more diligence than I have.

Yet, even in this dark moment when mankind turned away from God to listen to their own selfishness, God never wavered in His love or commitment to His creation. 

Psalm 145:8-9

The Lord is gracious and full of compassion.

Slow to anger and great in mercy.
The Lord is good to all,

And His tender mercies are over all His works.

How could you not love a God who moves in this manner? How could you not want to spend your days chasing Him to see what was going to happen next?

To chase Him through Scripture....
To chase Him through prayer....
To chase Him through hanging out with others who are hungry for His presence.

To stand there, completely empty.....with no thought as to what was next...with no idea what to pray.....and yet you do. You pray. You pray for that person who is hurting so bad that it breaks your heart. So you pray anyway. The words don't sound coherent, they even sound a bit childish. You stumble and fumble, not for the right words, but for the right heart. You call out to this God and there in the midst of your feeble efforts, He shows up. He reaches down and brings relief and healing for the one that is hurting. 

And in the process of expending yourself in this pursuit of God, you find that the word "worship" takes on a completely new meaning. It becomes a lifestyle. It becomes the fuel for every action you take.....fuel for every thought that floats through your mind...fuel that cause you to burn even hotter and brighter for this God.

Sounds like a zealot or a fanatic doesn't it? Maybe the reason it sounds that way is because we live life in a kind of quiet desperation. We go through religious rituals and meetings in order to soothe and placate those thoughts that want to draw us closer to God. Yet we know deep within ourselves that such a move to be closer only makes us more vulnerable and open to what truly is on His heart. So we try to maintain our distance, yet not offend Him. We try to say the right things and do the right things so as to give the appearance of being holy on some level. 

I didn't come this far to look holy....
I didn't make my choices to be religious...

I want Jesus...

The uncut, unfiltered, unedited version.
I want to crawl upon that Romans 12:1 altar and say, "Here I am, consume me with Your presence. Let the fire of Your Holy Presence just fall and burn away all that isn't from You. Fall and burn until there is nothing left but You in me.
I know that today's posting may seem a bit odd...

But truth be known, I'm in a kind of odd place.

Odd doesn't necessarily translate into bad.
Odd signifies that I am in a place that I've never really been before, and I'm trying to get my bearings.

I know that there has to be more of God than I know.
There has to be more than I am aware of...
That is what motivates me...the thought that God is ever revealing Himself to anyone who would come after Him.

During a conversation the other day, I made the statement that my greatest fear is not that I will mess up or do something wrong in my pursuit of God. My greatest fear is that I will miss what He is wanting to do in me and around me. 

Life today is a mixture of great light and great darkness.
A combination of moments of great joy followed by moments of grief and pain.
In other words, life is happening.
Yet throughout this roller coaster ride, I am filled with a stability and a hope that whispers to me, "keep on...don't quit".
So I won't.
I will keep on...

Keep on to see what God will do next.

God on you...

mb