"I Want To Do It------I Don't Want To Do It!"

Step # 4
We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

I can remember going to the Etowah Theater to see Monster Movies. I knew that the Monster never won. Scientist always topped the Monster and usually sent them to a fiery death. Even though I knew this, there were times I would sit with my hands over my eyes, peeping through my fingers. Wanting to see what happened..........and not wanting to see what happened. Scared to death, but not wanting to miss a moment. Our journey out of an addictive life style involves moments like this.

Step #4 of the Twelve Steps is kind of like my behavior during the Monster movies. We have spent a good deal of our life hiding from our past. Hiding from our behavior.......from things we said.....hiding from people we hurt.....we did a great deal of hiding. The funny part (well, not "ha-ha" funny..kind of "weird-funny) is that all this hinding amplified our guilt and shame, which only fed the addiction and gave it more power. We tried to create a double life in that we had one way we acted around family and a completely different way we acted around friends. As the drugs and alcohol increased, the lines between the two lives became blurred until we were no longer in control and we simply began to hide. We hid behind the drugs and alcohol. We hid behind excuses, as it was everyone elses fault but ours, all the while continuing this downward slide to destruction.

Step # 4 is the step that takes us to a place where we began uncovering the things we have been hiding from. Truth be known, Step # 4 is the point at which we stop hiding from ourselves. Through our admission of being powerless and living an unmanageable life, we have found a Power greater than ourselves who could restore us to sanity. That Power would be Jesus Christ. Discovering the truth about Jesus, we then make a decision to turn will and life over to His care. Now we are ready to begin what some refer to as "Cleaning House."  In other words, we begin the process of dealing with all the internal defects that have aided us in our addiction. We are sweeping out the rubbish and ruin so that God can bring forth a new character within us.

Jesus kind of addresses our need to come clean, so to speak, by doing a 4th and 5th Step.
In Matthew 23:25-26 - "Hypocrites! You are so careful to clean the outside of the cup and the dish, but inside you are filthy---full of greed and self-indulgence! Blind Pharisees! First wash the inside of the cup, and then the outside will become clean too."  Working the steps involves more than simply doing the right thing......or acting the right way........or saying the right thing. It involves letting Jesus have complete access to the real you (inside) so that he can clean up your mess.

The 4th step is scary. You will come up with a gazillion reasons why you don't really need to do one (notice I said "need"....truth is...it's more like you don't really "Want" too.) . I can give you ONE good reason why you should do the 4th step. Because it works and it's the next thing to do. Simple as that. If I have to sit around trying to convince myself in the need to do a 4th step, that should tell me that I'm putting it off. Sometimes the best way to approach this new found relationship with Christ is what we refer to as the NIKE WAY! Just do it! Quit analysing everything. Quit trying to over think every thing. Just do it. I know that this sounds harsh, but you know what? If we don't change, things are not going to get better....they will get worse. Jesus (Our Higher POWER) is there to guide us through the process. Maybe that is why Jesus says that we are to follow Him. Simply take hold of His hand and began to walk this thing out.

Because of Christ's redemption

I am a new creation of infinite worth

I am deeply loved

I am fully pleasing

I am completely forgiven

I am totally accepted by God

I am absolutely complete in Christ

When my performance reflects this new identity in Christ

That reflection is dynamically unique

There has never been another person like me in the history of mankind

Nor will there ever be
God has made me an original

One of a kind person

A special person

And so are you....



God on you....

mb