Oh, not the kind of weakness that comes from being sick or injured. It's more like the weakness that is a result of truly realizing who and what you are. Seems to me the human race loves to lay hold of titles and nicknames. We love looking to those who excel in various endeavors and feats. What with the Olympics going on, we are bombarded with the "Fastest" skier and the "Most graceful" ice dancer. We are given glimpses of the "World's Best" Hockey Team. And in the fray of battle and competition, if you don't make it to the medal podium.......well, you're just a mere mortal.
Don't you find it strange, that in this thing we call recovery the key is to be weak? The one over riding factor that must be realized is the admission of ones weakness. In order to find the strength needed to walk away from the destruction and damage we have created through our using, is the simple admission of "I can't stop drinking or using." I am powerless.......my life has become unmanageable. I'm so glad the process doesn't stop there and leave us dangling over the cliff of despair and gloom. But in order to receive help, you first have to know that you need help. It's like I tell the guys at Rapha..."If you don't come to grips with the reality that you've got a problem, then nothing I have to say will matter to you. It's the realization that you don't get to call the shots anymore or decide what you are and are not going to do. As a friend of mine once told a room full of men who were entering the program at Rapha...."Gentlemen, you best thinking....the very top of your game....the very best thinking you are capable of making...has got you here in this program." If this is the best that we can come up with.....and this is the end result...we need to find a better way to live.
For an individual to admit they are powerless is a hard and bitter pill to swallow. Even with the evidence of our using stacked up in front of us, the human heart is so rebellious and deceitful that it will fabricate a way to spin the truth so that we don't have to own it. "It's not my fault!" or "I really don't have a problem, I can quit anytime I want to." When such stubbornness is allowed to run its course, we wind up with sons and daughters who have to grow up without father's and mothers because they died using. Self will run riot leads to seedy hotel rooms where they find your body with the needle still stuck in your arm. Holding on to the old life will get you beaten so badly because a drug deal went South. Love ones can't identify your body because your face is beaten beyond recognition. Then there are those who choose to take their own life.
And the list goes on and on and on.....
Chris....
Jeff....
Josh....
Jason...
Brandon....
Matt......
If needed, I could write out the names of over 80 who have died.
Much too young and gone way too soon because of the power of a lie.
That is why we have Vineyard Recovery Church....
To introduce the real power behind any recovery....Jesus Christ.
Step # 1----I'm broken inside. There is something within me that drives me to fill this emptiness I live with. The only thing that seems to flow into this empty spot are things that produce only more pain and shame and guilt. These emotions are so overwhelming and I don't know how to deal with them, so I use. I use to feel nothing. I use to be numb. I've been using so long, that I use now just to feel normal. When I look around at what I have done and the people I have hurt...it causes more pain. This only leads to more using. I am in The Cycle now......I will do whatever I have to, to get my drug of choice. I will steal from those who love me. I will lie to anyone and everyone to get what I need. I will break free of every moral restraint I ever possessed to serve the god that I have created inside myself. One that demands total allegiance on my part. The god of self and the god of addiction. I will bow my knee and answer their every call.
But there is hope.
Not hope found in a program or a process....
But hope that is found in an individual. Jesus.
Sounds too simple, doesn't it?
It is.
A simple matter of surrender and turning to Him.
A giving of one's self to His care.
Then begins the process of learning how to live.
God on you....
mb
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