Tonight was the first meeting of the Vineyard Recovery ministry headed up by Mike Bynum. Tonight was a night that brought back hundreds of memories. All day my heart was racing with excitement expecting God to do something. I went to sleep thinking about it and woke up thinking about it.
It was 6:30 PM and just touching dark out when I pulled up to the Gadsden Vineyard with my worn NKJV Bible in tow. As I stepped onto the pavement of Broad Street the smell of cigarettes filled the air. As I looked around I saw them, maybe 15 of them. They were guys in Rapha standing outside the church doors laughing and having that last cig before the sermon! A feeling I used to know all too well. I didn’t know any of them but I knew them, if that makes any sense at all. I knew the feeling of totally not knowing what’s next. Where am I going to pick up from? Am I going to pick up where I left off or change everything? Am I going to be an addict forever? All of these questions a daily reality in the life of the lifeless.
When I came in I made small talk and felt very drawn to all of them. I found myself wanting to hug each one and reassure them that everything will be alright. It’s tough you know. Being in that place. Total brokenness and abandonment, with shame and guilt so heavily on you it feels like a physical weight. But it’s also a sweet place. Everything in the Kingdom is backwards. Brokenness is bad on earth but in the Kingdom brokenness equals greatness. Society looks on people that have had issues with certain things like they’re nothing. Sadly the most judgmental perspectives come from inside the church. When in Kingdom reality being as broken as a guy who just lost his kids, his wife, and his last sack of dope is probably the only hope some of us have. In the Americanized church we have made ourselves blind to our own brokenness and need for God. I believe Mike said it tonight, “constant desperation”. If you’re dying of thirst you look until you find something. So it is with your spirit.
The guys are awesome. As I looked at them I didn’t see drug addicts. I saw warriors, princes, and friends of God. I saw sonship not slavery. I saw a generation that is rising up to take back what the enemy has stolen. In the entry sanctuary of the Gadsden Vineyard I saw an atmosphere of Heaven. I saw a safe place where mistakes aren’t forbidden and blowing it doesn’t mean blowing up. Mikes statement of what this meeting was, was very simple. It is Gods. That’s it in a nutshell. And what about the theology behind it? Well, that’s easy; the cross and Christ crucified and beyond that there’s nothing. Worship was pure and free reminiscent of Vineyard worship from the late 90’s. There was a time for ministry, which is always my favorite, and God showed up.
Several people came receiving prayer and encouragement. I felt like God spoke to me with this phrase, “tattoos, two kids, and reconciliation”. As usual with words, you have that instant moment of doubt and embarrassment. Finally I broke down and gave it. Of course no one responded. I thought to myself, “well at least this wasn’t as bad as the time you went out doing power evangelism and the guy told you to go away”, as I visualized a plan crashing and burning. After dismissal a short stalky guy that was tatted from neck to toe (well I didn’t look at his toes so not sure about that one) came up to me and said, “I think that word was for me.” “Oh, which part?” I asked. “Well, the whole thing I mean I have tattoos and I have two kids and…” “And” I said “I’m assuming you’re in a place of needing reconciliation.” So we prayed for him and he got blessed. I couldn’t help it though, as I watched him walk out, I wanted to keep in touch with him and be there somehow letting him know every tough morning that it was going to get better soon and that this wasn’t forever. I met this guy five minutes ago and I love this guy. God was glorified tonight and He showed up.
Why did He show up though? Because there were all the ingredients; brokenness, expectancy, faith, and doubt. Tonight I was as excited as I was on Christmas morning when I was seven and my dad got me a Black Cobra BB gun. I was exhilarated. This is what I was born for; to be used by God and to be in His presence. I was born to pastor people into His presence. Every one of the guys that were there tonight have the capacity in them to go further, faster, better, and harder than Mike, John Wimber, or any other super anointed dude. The question is, will they believe it? Will they grasp it? God, I hope so. I’ve so missed nights like tonight and I look forward to many more. If you get a chance and you’ve made it through this ridiculously long rambling I would encourage you to come to the Gadsden Vineyard, Saturday nights at 7:00 PM. It’s not about church loyalty. No one is asking you to join anything or fill out a member card and wear a name tag. What else are you going to do on a Saturday night? It’s a place where there is healing for the hurting and a place of rest from the pain of the world. Blessing and love in the Holy Spirit – Sam.
(Sam was also the one who came up with this picture. Wisdom? I don't know. I do know that from time to time, it is full of crumbs.)
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