Ten people seated around the table....
Small talk, laughter and the phrase "I'm glad to be here" was spoken by more than one.
The meeting started and "How it works" was read. In fact this is the way the meeting starts each week.
I've heard this part of the Big Book more time than I can count, but each time it is read, I hear something new.
The first person begins by introducing themselves..."Hello, my name is......"
They begin to share the events and struggles they are dealing with.
As the talk and introductions move around the table, you get a clear picture that everyone is in a battle. A battle that is more than sobriety but for life itself. OH some of the battles are ongoing and like me, some may even be self-inflicted. But a battle none the less.
A young man shares that for the first time in his life, he is finding life and enjoyment from attending church. Like most of us, he was forced to go when he was a kid. This left a bitter taste in him, so that as he grew older the lure of the world was more powerful. Drugs entered the picture and you know the rest of the story.
Another shares his week as dealing with impatience and anger. Of course such emotions as these has to be released. Such emotions as these always has to have a target to be directed toward. In this case, it was family. They received the brunt of the anger. Fault never rested with this person, but always at the target...they were the ones responsible.
Me? My lesson that I'm having to learn is to not be controlling. Getting read to leave last week, I was in a hurry to pack the car. Vicki was doing her best to get everything ready, but as she worked, I kept coming to her asking..."Is the ready? Are these bags done?" over and over. I hurrying her when I should not have. She became frustrated by my incessant questioning. The sad part in all of this, I didn't even realize that I was acting in this manner. Finally she stopped and I saw it in her eyes, as they filled with tears. "I can't do this! I knew then it was me and my attitude. Apologizing, we started over in our packing ritual.
As our vacation progressed and it was time to leave, I remembered this incident, and made it my aim to take it slow and not get upset over any packing issues. TO be honest with you, our departure went smoothly, Vicki was not pressured to make sure we had taken care of the condo we'd rented. Here's the kicker....we got out thirty minutes ahead of schedule. Me.....I simply refused to control or frustrate the entire process by my anxiousness. Lesson learned.
The sharing went around the table until we had completed the circle. We stood and locked arms.....shared a prayer for each other and the coming day.
One might think that such an exercise as talking about your daily struggle would be futile and silly, but there is healing in such a thing.
Bottom line is the sharing is not for anyone to have a pity party and see who can out-be-miserable than the next person. It is meant for us to find healing from God through the confession. To maybe see our struggle in a new light so that we can step back and let God do His work. After all..."He does for me what I could not do for myself".
So here's the real deal, bottom line of today's posting.
If you attend a recovery group and they offer small groups (like Celebrate Recovery does) take advantage of them and attend. Become a part of a small group. You won't regret it.
God on you...
mbb
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